Embracing Struggle for Healing and Safety

A sudden epiphany passed over me as I sat with my client in my office. I realized that “safety” wasn’t about the lack of emotional struggle but rather the ability to experience a challenge and use it as a catalyst for healing. This understanding led me on a journey of personal growth, and I would like to share some valuable insights.

The first step for me was remembering the importance of secure attachments with the people around me, such as my partner, family, and friends. I learned that having a robust and supportive network could help me navigate through my emotional pain and grow from it. Connecting with my “Self” and a divine “Source” also played a significant role in feeling grounded and connected.

As I continued to process this thought, I explored the concept of resilience. I recognized that I needed to increase my window of tolerance, that is, my ability to withstand emotional stress and adversity. This involved letting go of things I could not control and focusing on what mattered. Identifying my values and living in unity with them brought a newfound sense of harmony and well-being.

To further support my healing experience, I sought a broad range of support from various professionals and practices. I began working with a massage therapist to help release physical tension, consulted a nutritionist to fuel my body with the proper nutrients, and nurtured my spiritual connection through meditation. I also discovered the power of exercise in boosting my mood and energy levels, something I often neglect.

I learned the importance of immersing myself in activities that renewed and restored my energy. For me, this could be anything from going for a walk in nature to attending an art class or simply spending time with loved ones. I also needed to return to swimming, which has long been my go-to workout. These activities helped me stay grounded and reminded me of the beauty of life.

The human experience, I have come to understand, is about taking adversity and transforming it into healing experiences, not eliminating hardship. We all encounter emotional pain, but how we respond to that pain genuinely defines our path toward healing and fundamental safety.

As I continue my journey, I am reminded that embracing emotional pain and using it to foster personal growth is essential to living a fulfilling life. I encourage you to explore your journey toward healing and safety and remember that it’s not about eliminating discomfort but using it as a catalyst for growth and connection.

Be an Accomplice, Not an Advocate

In a world filled with diverse experiences and challenges, it’s essential to be aware of how we can genuinely support one another. One such approach that has gained traction recently is being an accomplice rather than an advocate. While both roles are well-intentioned, there’s a subtle yet significant difference between the two. Being an accomplice means stepping into someone’s story and experiencing it with them, offering support, healing, and affirmation. On the other hand, advocacy can sometimes feel dismissive or superficial.

Empathy isn’t simply advocacy

The Accomplice vs. the Advocate

Advocacy typically involves speaking out on behalf of others, raising awareness about issues, and championing change. While these efforts are crucial, they can sometimes feel detached from the personal experiences of those we aim to help.

An accomplice actively engages in another person’s struggle, offering support and empathy through shared experiences. This approach goes beyond advocating for change—it means truly understanding and empathizing with the individual’s journey, acknowledging their emotions, and validating their experiences.

The Power of Empathy

Empathy is at the core of being a companion. It involves stepping into someone else’s shoes and sharing their emotional experiences. When we practice empathy, we create a safe space for others to be vulnerable, ultimately fostering deeper connections and mutual understanding.

Research has shown that empathy can have a profound impact on both mental and physical well-being. Feeling understood and supported can alleviate stress and anxiety, promote healing, and create a greater sense of self-worth.

Holding Space for Your Partner’s “Parts”

Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic model that posits that every person has multiple internal parts or sub-personalities, and these parts interact with each other to form our personality. The IFS model suggests that we all have different parts that we may not be aware of or may not want to acknowledge, but they still play a significant role in our life experiences.

Internal Family System – Part

When our partner displays behaviors that seem out of character, we can assume that their internal parts are triggered, causing them to act in a way that is not aligned with their true self. In such situations, holding space for our partner and validating their feelings is helpful. Listening to this way means creating a safe emotional space for them to express their emotions without fear of being judged or rejected.

We can hold space for our partner’s broken parts by modeling curiosity and empathy towards their subpersonalities. We can ask questions and actively listen to understand their perspective rather than reacting to their behavior. When we approach our partner’s broken parts with curiosity, we can help them identify the root cause of their behavior, which can help them understand themselves better.

When we validate our partner’s emotions, we can help them feel seen and understood, creating a more profound connection. Holding space for our partner’s broken parts can help them feel heard and validated, which can be incredibly healing. Validating our partner’s emotions can also help them regulate their feelings, leading to a more peaceful and harmonious relationship.

It is crucial to recognize that our defensive responses towards our partner’s behaviors are not necessarily directed towards them but are often defensive responses towards our internal parts activated due to unhealed wounds. By acknowledging our inner parts and working to heal them, we can create differentiation within ourselves, which can help us become more self-aware and more present in our relationships.